Intentionality: To Celebrate or Not to Celebrate

It is pretty obvious our move overseas was intentional, both in choosing where to go and having a solid reason for the move.  Since living here, we have been faced with many other opportunities for intentionality.  Because we desire to make an eternal difference in the lives of those we live among, we think carefully about how our daily actions among them will affect this end.  With our children, as well, we desire to be intentional as we raise, instruction, and guide them in their growth.  As our neighbors live quite differently than we do, we have had many opportunities to discuss with our boys how and why we have chosen to be different or similar.  Being third culture kids, one whose culture is a mix of their parents and the one in which they live, we desire for our children to know, at least some, about the culture in their passport country.  To do this we often incorporate aspects of American culture into our lives here, but which aspects and how requires a great deal of intentionality. 

Halloween is just one example of American culture we have intentionally taught our children about.  In American it often requires a bit of reverse intentionality if you desire your children to know about aspects, but not take part in others.  Take the aspect of celebrating death for example.  Whether people consciously realize it or not, much of Halloween, in decorations, costumes, and activities, celebrate death.  Life overseas makes is quite easy for us to pick and choose what aspects to incorporate into our lives.  Since trick or treating is obsolete in Barat, we forgo the part of dressing up as well.  As we do want our children to be familiar with American culture, we have taught them about the history of Halloween and incorporated a few customs that are practical overseas. 

In the past we have carved jack-0-lanterns.  This year we settled for cookies and pumpkin muffins.  When all else fails, I turn to baking to celebrate!

Caedmon putting together Halloween roll cookies.

Celebrating with Food

During our times in the States, the boys, and Evangeline too, have enjoyed dressing up and eating candy gathered from Trick or Treating.  When it comes right down to it, our lives are different here because of our intentional choice to live here, and though probably unconsciously, Caedmon and Whitman know this and happily carry on with the lives they do know, which doesn't include any community wide Halloween activities. 

Like Camping, Maybe?

We have spent the past 4 days camping at home in the middle of the summer heat, but with all the same responsibilities of daily life.  Ok, it has only felt like camping because we have been without water since Saturday morning.  The boys didn't agree to my use of the word camping, as their definition included the use of a tent.  Come to think of it, when I went camping as a child, my family would usually stay at State Parks.  State Parks provided bathrooms and running water.  We had to manage our own structure (in the form of a tent, without any AC), lights (in the form of flashlights), and cooking method (in the form of a gas camp stove).  What we have been doing these past few days is almost the reverse of that.  We have a structure: our house.  We have full electricity, including AC in the bedrooms.  We have gas for the oven range.  What we have not had is any running water! 

The hardest part of this has been trying to carry on with all our daily responsibilities.  Since we’ve recently been able to find paper plates at a local mini-mart, we’ve being buying them to decrease the dishes to be washed.  We’ve eaten either ramen or local take out to ease the issue of cooking without water.  Thankfully we found a laundry place near our home to manage our dirty clothes.  On Sunday we decided to buy drinking water to use for bathing and washing the few dishes we soiled.  It is funny how when you use pre-measured water, you are able to see exactly how much water you use.  

We averaged two water containers per day for bathing, once in the morning and again at night, and for washing a few dishes during the day!

On Tuesday, after word got around that we were buying ‘drinking water’ to use for household needs, a neighbor, who has become my most helpful language helper, offered to carry water from a well to our home.  After an unsuccessful attempt to dissuade her, she filled pails full of water and made at least 5 trips back and forth from the well to our house.  Thankfully the closest well is right next door!

The View from our Back Porch

Our water storage tank is the cemet box to the lower right. It goes another 4 feet below the surface.

The closest well is behind the bamboo fence to the upper left, behind our neighbor's hosue.  

There are four wells within 100 yards of our house.  The one above is a private well, as is at least one other.  I am still learning how the shring and use of wells work here.  As everything is quite community oriented, there is a great deal of sharing.  

Tuesday night the city water came on.  It remained on long enough, and at a high enough pressure, to fill our tank to the brim!  We are so thankful for this!  We have running water in the house!  The challenge now, with water, for me has been to not live in fear.  Without water I was challenged to not only trust in the Father’s provision, but especially in his timing.  Now I am finding I want to horde the water and use it ever so sparingly for fear of running out before the city water comes on again.  I know this is my own self desire to control and avoid any difficulty or discomfort.  At the same time there wisdom to be exercised in living according to lessons learned.  For now, we will use wisdom to do only one load of laundry a day, but otherwise live with our normal water usage ways, all the while trusting His provision, for he truly cares about our needs and the daily equipping of us to do his will. 

Multiple Holidays

    The week of the 11th, this year, resulted in three holidays within one week.  Sunday was the second largest holiday of the year.  This holiday consists of the majority population taking part in killing a cow or goat in remembrance of a prophet's sacrifice.  We expected the visiting of neighbors to be similar to the larger holiday this past June.  In preparation, I made food the day before and made sure all was ready early that morning.  We decided to serve an American menu of hotdogs and watermelon.
    This holiday turned out to much different than we expected.  To begin with, we didn't have any visitors first thing in the morning.  We quickly found out the animal killing and butchering took priority in the morning.  Secondly, the visitors we did have turned out to be about 20 children and only two of our adult neighbors.  We ended up eating hotdogs for the rest of the day!

View from our back porch.

The killing, and butchering, of four goats and one cow took place right behind our house!

      The following Tuesday was a city wide parade highlighting local culture and individual neighborhoods.  We were invited to take part in the parade with The Labor Office, which has direct involvement in John's work visa.  The parade turned out to be about 200 yards long and a quick appearance in front of the Mayor.  We are pretty sure the parade was in celebration of Independence day, which was the following Saturday.

The Labor Office group preparing for the parade.

We waited at least an hour to get started, then took at least another hour to walk the 200 yds to the Mayor's viewing section.  

Our group waiting and lining up.  

We walked to the big red roof in the upper right.

     Thursday was the anniversary of the founding of the city we live in.  So this day also brought additional festivities.  In various neighborhoods, ours included, there was a small parade of women marching and giving small performances.

Marching

Performing before judges

     Saturday was Independence day.  The largest festivities took place down town.  As we keep Saturday as a family day, we stayed at home enjoying each other's company and didn't catch any of the celebrations.

Big Events

The end of July brought a group from the States.  They conducted a seminar for middle school and high school English Teachers from around the province.  The presenters had thoroughly prepared material and creatively adjusted to the needs of the attendees.  Though it proved to be a very busy week for John, we were blessed to have each of the eight the presenters over to our house for dinner.

John inviting the head of the school district to the training.

Welcome speech by John's boss

A Session

Another Session

The first week of August we celebrated Caedmon’s birthday!  Caedmon is now 11 and going into the sixth grade.  He still enjoys being where the people are and playing games; board games, sports, and those on the iPad.  Many of his presents this year revolved around these likes. 

Opening presents in the morning.  

Evangeline wanted to do all the opening.  Caedmon did a great job sharing the honors

Pull-apart Monkey Bread

Basketball hoop present.

John, himself, constructed the backboard, window protective sign, and put up the hoop and boards.

Birthday Cake

We bought trick candles in the big city, which turned out to be very hard completely extinguish.  

Eleven Years Old

Caedmon received a ping-pong net to attach to a table.  

We bought a piece of plywood to enlarge our dinning room table to a better size for a game.

We held to our tradition of allowing the birthday kid to pick their menu for the day.  Since Caedmon’s favorite foods are Italian and anything sweet, he chose Monkey Bread for breakfast, ravioli for lunch, and gnocchi for dinner.  He also requested a blue three layer cake.  

All the restaurants here in Barat serve only local food.  Though we are able to buy spaghetti noodles at the small convenience stores, other Italian products, such as ravioli and gnocchi, are nonexistent.  So in agreeing to Caedmon’s menu, it became necessary to make everything from scratch.  Unfortunately this also meant the ricotta filling for the ravioli had to be made from scratch.  As the birthday cake and frosting were included in this cooking extravaganza, I stopped at just a two layer cake.  I enjoy making foods from scratch and creating things we cannot buy, but it may be the last year the whole menu is homemade.  

We included our tradition of a piñata in the day's festivities.  This was quite a cultural experience in our new neighborhood.  None of the kids had ever seen one, let along knew how to play.  We didn't send out invitations, but Caedmon did intentionally invited two friends over for the piñata.  It turned out to be a mass candy dash when the piñata broke as there were at least 25 kids that came to watch.  

Though birthday parties are not a common tradition here, presents are given when they do occur. As we had not given the kids any notice, a handful returned that evening to bring Caedmon presents.  

Neighbor kids bringing presents.

Unexpected

I, Erin, often forget just how much we have adapted to life overseas.  Many aspects of our lives here are so different than how both John and I grew up.  A few examples are all the bread we eat is homemade, we leave our front door and windows open all day, we don’t wear shoes in the house, we take cold showers, our house doesn’t have a number, nor our street a name, we ride scooters around town, we don’t drink the water from the tap, we see banana and coconut trees out our windows, and to interact with people, all we have to do is go outside our front door.  Many of these aspects have become our new normal.  We often feel we understand much of how life operates here, until something unexpected comes along. 

I grew up recycling everything possible, so I have a hard time throwing away any glass, tin cans, plastic, or paper, which we have a lot of with homeschooling.  Garbage is a problem here anyway, with most of our neighbors taking their garbage to an empty lot two house away or 3 block to the sea.  Thankfully, I have recently learned a man will come by the house, without any consistent schedule, to buy glass bottles.  And another comes for metal.  Then there is a neighbor who collects plastic which he re-sells.  For our organic matter, fruit and vegetable skins, and paper, I have been composting.  This has really helped cut down on our garbage and provides a great way to get rid of all our paper.  

The beginnings of our end-of-the-school-year paper disposal.

Upon our return to Barat this past January, I began composting right away.  I had dreams of gardening around the foundation of our house and wanted some compost to use.  Last month, a neighbor helped make us a short bamboo fence to place around the plots of garden space.  I was preparing to plant.  My compost bin was ¾ of the way full, with at least a quarter broken down and ready to be used.  Two weeks ago we took a weekend trip to the provincial capital.  When we returned home, I found the compost bin upside down and completely empty.  We had been using the same composting bin for over a year with other little garbage cans spaced around the our house for garbage.  There are many kids and adults that sit under our house to attend the reading program or just enjoy the shade.  We have spent many words teaching them to throw their garbage away in the garbage cans, and even differentiating for them the purpose of the one large bin with holes.  After all this time I thought it was obvious, but someone very kindly decided to empty ALL our containers, even the compost bin. 

Preparing to plant pineapples!

   I planted a garden anyway, just without compost.  It has been a fun activity to do with the kids, Caedmon has been the most interested.  The neighborhood kids have thoroughly enjoyed watching for little sprouts and learning what has been planted.  We planted lemon grass (above left), chili peppers, tomatoes, basil, cauliflower, bell peppers, papaya, and pineapple (above right).  

The other recent surprise came when I attended a pre-wedding event last week  We have been to so weddings since living overseas, I’ve lost count.  Last week, one of the reading program teachers was to be married.  We were invited to the pre-wedding henna event.  This usually occurs the night before the wedding.  This time the family explained it would occur on a Thursday night, though the wedding was on Sunday.  Or so we thought.  

Part of the henna ceremony

With the bride in her room

I attended the henna event by myself last Thursday night.  I changed into a collared shirt, but nothing fancy.  When I arrived everyone was decked out in their best party attire.  After eating and watching what remained of the henna ceremony, I followed the bride into her room.  I politely informed her it was time for me to go home, thinking all was finished.  Surprised, everyone in the room, a few cousins, the makeup artist, and an aunt, tried to explain the actual wedding ceremony was to take place that night.  The bride had entered her room to await the arrival of the groom.  I was so confused.  Upon further explanation, I began to understand the family considered getting married on Sunday to bring bad luck to the new marriage.  Thursday on the other hand would not.  Accordingly, the bride and groom were married that night, parted ways afterwards, and did not see each other again until Sunday, when the big wedding event was held and repeated much of the ceremony that took place on Thursday.  

The arrival of the groom

The legal wedding ceremony

The groom entering the room to retrieve his wife

The Married Couple

Though we have learned a great deal in our seven years overseas, we are reminded there is still a great deal to learn!

A Crazy Week

We expected this last week to be unusually packed with activities.  Expectations though, are often incorrect, both in pleasant and unpleasant ways.  

Monday and Tuesday brought the last two days of fasting.  This also included the last major preparations our neighbors had for the largest holiday of the year, which occurred on Wednesday.  The eve of the largest holiday of the year was also Evangeline's third birthday.  

I began the week planning for our birthday celebration and the receiving of guests for the Wednesday holiday.  John and the boys helped with market and birthday shopping, while I baked cookies, cake, and participated in our neighbors' preparations.  

Tuesday morning I spent with neighbors.  

They had woven containers out of palm fronds the day prior, then began cooking them first thing Tuesday morning.  I too had woven containers and expected to cook them with neighbors that morning.  By the time we finished our morning Birthday celebrations for Evangeline and I was ready for the rest of the day, about 9m, most neighbors had already begun cooking their rice filled containers.  Most of my morning was spent visiting various neighbors, filling my containers (above picture), and being helped to find a neighbors' pot to put my rice containers in to cook.  

Two neighbors behind our house.

Almost each house in our neighborhood had a pot over a fire, cooking their wrapped rice.

A "Grandma" tending to her pot of wrapped rice.  

This grandma, who only uses the Barat language with me, helped me fill and repair some of my dried out woven containers

We all worked together to make a doll house for Evangeline.

John took on the bulk of the work, cutting, preparing, and putting together the wood pieces.

The Birthday Girl

Celebrating with cinnamon rolls and Whitman helping with presents.

Evangeline with her doll house.

Our 3 year old!

We enjoyed our time together celebrating Evangeline's birthday.  She enjoyed it too.  She continues to say, "I three still," as she holds up her 3 fingers.  

The largest holiday of the year began, as usual, with all our neighbors gathering at the local soccer field for a short religious service.  During this time I expected to prepare a soup to serve guests with our wrapped rice.  This holiday is usually spent eating special foods and visiting family and friends.  The other aspect we expected, besides visiting friends ourselves, was to receive many children at our house after the morning service.  It is similar to Halloween in that the children travel door to door, but they are dressed in new clothes and ask for money, not candy.  Well, our incorrect expectations began about this time.  We received about 70 children and were out of cash.  Then our adult neighbors began showing up too.  I had just barely began the soup, which had to be put on hold to host our guests, and neither had I showered.  After the first wave, I jumped in the shower.  Thankfully we had cookies and drinks to serve, but even that didn't stretch as far as I would have wished.  As we have lived in this town for 5 years, we thought our expectations were reasonable.  Apparently the manner in which this holiday is celebrated is different even just across town where we now find ourselves living.  None of the groups of neighbors stayed very long, but it wasn't until about 11am that we had a chance to close our door and head out to do our own visiting.  

Visiting John's primary language helper and his family.  

They served us a complete meal with wrapped rice, fish, chicken, and soup.

Then we were offered juice and cookies.

Whitman, Caedmon, and Evangeline enjoying cookies.

We finished Wednesday with another visit to friends from our old neighborhood.  Thursday we visited with a couple other neighbors from our old neighborhood  Then Friday morning we visited our current neighbors, a total of eight households by the end of the day.

Saturday we spent in our usual fashion; as a family playing games at home and going out to eat.

As the holiday week was just coming to an end, it took us three tries to find an open restaurant.

We ended up at a new to us place on the side of the road with a beach front for the boys to play at.

The week was full of opportunities to see people and bless them by a visit to their homes.  We learned a great deal about the culture here and hope to be better prepared for next year!

Recent Happenings

Over the past month we have been busy.  In addition to our regular daily activities of language study, homeschooling, and John’s foundation work, we have had the pleasure of hosting two different pairs of friends from the states and traveling out of the country for a conference. 

Having visitors from the States is always an encouraging time.  We often see our surroundings through the new eyes our visitors bring, then realize the growth that has occurred in our lives from living overseas.  The familiarity visitors brings is quite enjoyable as well; familiarity of culture, language, and often small treats they bring!

Our conference, like many work conferences, provided us with additional equipping for the task at hand and enabled connecting with others in the same line of work.  Furthermore, the week among like minded people provided much fellowship and refreshing.  Caedmon, Whitman, and Evangeline thoroughly enjoyed the organized activities they took part in and time with other English speaking children, many whom they already knew.  

Conference Talent Show

Caedmon had prepared a song to play while Evangeline sang. 

From all the activities at the conference, Evangeline fell asleep early the night of the show.  In true flexibility, Caedmon gladly welcomed a couple friends to sing with him in place of his sister!

As we continue on with our daily activities we currently find ourselves having to adjust our schedules.  We are in the middle of the fasting month, which brings many changes to peoples' daily routines.  Our neighbors all wake up much earlier than normal, at about 3am.  The women typically have fewer activities during the mornings as they are not cooking lunch for their families.  Instead, many of them are inside cooking during the afternoon, preparing for the breaking of the fast at sundown.  John has found difficulty meeting with people for language study as one helper is currently selling young coconuts in the afternoon and others have less predictable schedules than usual.  

Most government offices and stores are open, doing business as usual.  One exception has been the availability of baking ingredients.  Baking is not a common activity in this culture, except during this time of year.  Similar to holiday baking in the States, the Barat community increases their production of baked goods.  Due to this fact, milk, sugar, flour, and gas (for stoves) have been harder to find regularly stocked in the stores.  A difference here compared with the States is these highly sought after items, including chicken and eggs as well, are sold at an increased price during this time of year.  

Wrapped Coconut Rice

As I, Erin, have also had to find other ways to interact with our community during this month, I've been blessed to take part in preparing many 'Holiday Foods.'

Making containers out of leaves for a dessert.  

Breaking the Fast

To break the fast each day people often serve their families a sweet, wet dessert and a pastry, which may be sweet or savory.  One neighbor put it this way, "As long as there is something to hold and something wet."

So we prepared 'fruit soup' and a couple different savory pastries to share with neighbors.

Evangeline with neighbor kids at our Breaking the Fast event.  

Language Learning

A couple weeks ago, a neighbor cut down one of the coconut trees behind our house.  As we stood there watching, Evangeline commented, “Papa Sofian fall down tree.”  Evangeline was retelling what had happened.  No, the man did not fall down from the tree, but rather fell the tree with his chainsaw.  

I marveled at Evangeline’s comment.  First it was amusing to take it literally, but I also understood the meaning she intended.  It amazed me how my two year could take the words she already knew and put them together to attempt to communicate something new.  She was grammatically wrong, but we all understood her, and as she is learning to communicate, it really didn’t matter.  

I reflected on how this is very similar to where I am in language study.  I have a foundational vocabulary in the Barat language, but when constructing sentences I sound much like Evangeline, using the wrong words though similar in meaning.  I also do not conjugate verbs properly resulting in much confusion as to who is doing it or is it being done to them.  The worst is the verb eat; I speak and mix up whether someone is eating or being eaten.  

When we first moved to this country we attended a course to learn the national language.  It was all laid out for us, we just had to arrive and study.  Now studying the Barat language, though we have a great curriculum, we have to find our own tutors, often people that have never taught before, arrange our own activities, and pursue practicing. 

Helping a neighbor cook as I study the process.

Rocking a neighbor's baby as I study.

Studying the making of wrapped rice.

Studying the voting process.

Our curriculum is similar to the language learning we all do as children.  The first of four levels or phases consists of listening and pointing to objects when they are said, much like the “Where’s your nose” game we all play with children.  That is followed by trying to speak.  We answer the “What is this?” question with the objects previously studied.  The second phase adds the construction of sentences and the description of life activities around us.  This is where I, Erin, find myself currently.  John, on the other hand, has made it through the third level of interviewing people for their life stories and retelling them.  Now he is working hard on the fourth level.  He has interviewed people on a variety of topics and retold many of these as persuasive type essays.  Please think of us both as we continue to learn language and culture.  We hope to be evaluated in August on our abilities.  

As I watch my children learn both English and the other languages spoken around them, I have been humbled and at times encouraged.  Children as they learn language listen, mimic, and try to speak, even if sounding foolish.  They don’t care.  Their goal of communicating is so much more important than sounding foolish that they try, they mimic, and they use what they have heard and learned.  If only I could care less about how I sound and whether I'm right or not.