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Valentine’s Day

I, Erin, am not a big fan of Valentine’s Day as it seems so very commercial.  Besides shouldn’t we be showing love on a daily basis!?  Since getting married, we haven’t done much for Valentine’s Day either as our Wedding Anniversary is on the 18^th.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not totally against the day.  I absolutely love the boxes filled with various types of unknown-until-you-bite-into chocolates and I will always accept flowers!  Trying to be intentional with our boys though, I looked up a little more about Valentine’s Day.  Apparently it originally was to honor a man who long ago married men and women in Rome though the Emperor at the time did not agree with the practice as he wanted men ready to join the army.  Further more, as we try to teach our boys about love I couldn’t find any glaring reason not to do a little celebrating! 

On a side note, as I searched for the origins of Valentine’s Day I came across a quote from Maya Angelou that stuck out to me, “Yet it is only love which sets us free.”  Isn’t that true, the ultimate act of love…

Decorating Cookies

 

Caedmon decorated over half of the cookies.

 

Dinner

So we made cookies and pizza.  Only to find out later the Mayor in a neighboring province banned all Valentine’s Day celebrations.  Not sure how this all turned out, but he was concerned for the negative influence on the morality of the youth. 

 

Anniversary

The following Thursday brought John and my 9^th Wedding Anniversary.  John surprised us, the boys got to partake too, with a one night stay at a hotel with a pool!  As always it is nice to get away, swim in a clean pool, not cook, relax in air conditioning, and enjoy cable TV.  The following day we got picked up by a new friend.  He and his family invited us to visit a river for the day.  It is a well known spot to play in the river and eat fruit.  Thursday was a holiday, Chinese New Year, so the boys didn’t have school and our friends did not have work.  So we piled into two cars and drove about 30 minutes inland.  It was a beautiful spot, with thousands of trees.  There were chocolate, Durian, Langsat, and Rambutan trees all over.  The season for these fruits has just begun so we ate a lot of fruit in between swimming in the river.  The water was very refreshing as it was quite cold. 

It was an enjoyable day, though not the most relaxing as cultural differences lead to the local’s definition of a good time being quite different than outs.  For example being an official holiday the place was quite crowded, resulting in a lot of picture taking.  People here always recommend we see sites on holidays or Sundays because there will be ‘a lot of people.’  It was a beautiful spot, but surrounded with tarp covered wooden huts.  These were great for a shaded place to sit, but they didn’t add much to the natural atmosphere.  Then there was garbage, everywhere, thankfully though I didn’t notice any floating in the river, except the occasional Durian skin. 

On the way home, one of the cars had a mechanical problem.  We were still 15 minutes outside of town where we might find a mechanic.  So we piled out of the cars and stopped-in at the wife’s sister-in-law’s sister’s house.  The women and children sat and chatted while the men took the other car to the closest, and open as it was a holiday, repair shop to buy a part.  Upon returning to the car, they fixed it, and we were on our way again.  Amidst the unexpected aspects of the day and cultural differences, it was quite nice to see a different part of our province and spend time with some new friends!

Stopping at a fruit stand to buy more fruit. 
Durian on the far left.  Rambutan hanging and in baskets top and middle.  Langsat in bowls on bottom. 
 

I had never seen the above fruits prior to moving here so I don't know the English equivalent.  Here are my own description:

Durian: A large, slightly smaller than a melon, and very spikey fruit with a strong smell.  The fruit is white or yellow surrounding large seeds in bunches of 3-4 within sections.  The taste is acquired, sweet, and something oniony or garlicky to it. 

Langsat: Small yellow fruit.  It has sections like an orange, but the meat is white and more like a grape with a hint of a grapefruit flavor.  Watch out for the seeds as they are very, very bitter.

Rambutan: Similar to lychee, but larger.  The fruit skin is red with big, stiff hairs.  The meat is white and similar to a grape as well, but much sweeter.  The seed resembles an almond. 

A Full Weekend

After last weekend Caedmon said, "Next weekend let's do less activities."  Though we had a very full weekend, the boys for the most part were champs. 

The official holiday celebrating the birth of the majority's most famous prophet occurred in January.  In our province each town or neighborhood celebrates the holiday on a different day, so celebrations are still going on.  Due to two previous engagements, we could not attend the main event on Sunday so our host invited us to the opening event Saturday Night.  The small public transportation vehicles do not run after 6pm, so between a barrowed a motorcycle and our host picking us up, the four of us traveled about 15 minutes north of town. 

A stage, chairs, couches for special guests, and a tent was set up right next to the beach. 

Children in traditional dress. 
When children finish learning to read Arabic and have read through the WHOLE holy book, they are rewarded with a ride through town on a dancing horse.  The kids celebrating this achievement are usually between 7-10 years old.  They were in attendance Saturday for the opening and were to ride the horses Sunday. 

Just sitting and watching.  The boys were less than interested. 

As with most events, things got started about an hour late.  There was a welcome, a holy book reading, and opening speeches.  Part way through the first opening speech, about 10pm, Whitman lost it and we decided to leave.  Our host felt so bad, kept apologizing, and sent us home with multiple boxes of cake, even though it was our child who was having difficulty. 

Sunday we were invited to a friend’s get together outside of town.  After about a 30 minutes drive we found ourselves in the middle of vegetable fields on the top of a mountain with a view of the sea to our left and right.  We had lunch and enjoyed the surroundings. 



Stopping for gas: bottles on right.



The Road There

The road getting narrower and steeper. 

Vegetable gardens in the mountains.

Chiles

Our View

Shallots

Grilling Fish

Cell phone coverage was still available! 
All the food was brought with us: fish, coconut rice, fruit soup, and fried dough filled with carrots and potatoes. 

Sitting in a small shelter with our friend who invited us . 

Who are those boys?
Occasionally Caedmon will pose for a picture, but Whitman never will. 
Completely on their own they posed for these. 



Posing, even amidst the hated cheek pinching. 
Wild pigs are a big problem for farmers. 
This was a statue someone made, possibly to warn other  pigs of their potential fate if found in a garden. 

More Smiles

Terraced Fields

John on our transportation there and back. 

Long sleeves and pants for the motorcycle ride.  It was NOT cold. 
John and Whitman actually ended up with sunburns. 

The ocean in the distance.

We had also been invited to a neighbor’s family event the same day, but upon returning at 3pm we had missed it.  We stopped by our neighbor's to apologize and visit.  We were served food from their event, coconut rice, chicken, and fish.  That evening our host from the night before brought us coconut rice and grilled fish. 

It was a day full of beautiful sights, time with people, and eating lots of fish and rice. 

For dinner I made waffles! 

 

Form versus Meaning

When we first studied the question of form versus meaning it was in the context of language.  If you have learned a second language you know much of language cannot be translated literally.  For example the most common question we receive whenever we leave our house is literally translated, "Want go where?"  Their meaning is, "Where're you going?"  In English we don't use the word want and it would sound quite funny to leave out the subject you. 

After looking at the context of language, we were challenged to bring the issue into the context of culture.  Are the things we do just cultural or dictated by truth.  Some of these are easier to answer than others, such as how to put on a wedding: cultural!  How to dress?  Slightly more difficult, but mostly cultural.  Here I do not dress as I would in my home culture for it would be very disrespectful, therefore I am guided by truth, choosing to be respectful to their culture and cover up a little more (though it is sooo hot.)

Recently John and I discussed a different culture versus truth question: fish. 

Recently I bought and cooked fish for $2.
John would be happy eating fish daily, if only I could become more comfortable with buying and cooking it. 

 Fish is a main staple here.  Chicken and beef are for the rich.  I get a kick out of telling people that fish in the States is expensive, more like rich people's food.  I rarely buy fish because I just don't have a lot of experience cooking it, especially bone-in, whole fish.  Recently our neighbors have all been seeking food options other than fish, or at least discussing it, but not because of a spike in price. 

In the past couple weeks a total of 6 bodies have been found on our coastline from a plane crash that occurred in December.  Unfortunately the bodies were found in pretty bad shape, leading many to conclude they had at least been nibbled on by fish.  Therefore, there is great concern in our community about what the fish, one might eat, ate prior to being caught.  When I first heard this I laughed it off, thinking people were joking.  Some were, others are serious and getting tired of tofu and tempe as alternatives.  I don't know much about fish, the various types, and their various diets, but I have heard the term bottom feeder and know there are those that just swim along with their mouths open eating whatever enters.  So, I am sure I have eaten fish that have eaten many things that I would not eat myself.  But all this talk led John and I to discuss the matter of culture versus truth one day when we were unable to order fish at a local restaurant we frequently visit. 

Do our neighbors understand the process of digestion?  Is there a difference to them between a physical body and a spiritual body?  Do our actions here in this world, towards a corpse, effect the one who died or us?  How directly or indirectly are we affected by what an animal we eat has already eaten?  Do the things that go into our bodies make us clean or unclean?  John and I know where we stand with all these questions, but we still have a lot to learn about the views of our neighbors.  This has been very interesting, sometimes a little funny, and occasionally a little gross to think about.   

Search Teams Being Deployed

The search for the remaining bodies and plane parts has been localized to the crash site, over 600 miles away.  After local fisherman found passenger and plane remains, a search began in our province. 

Wedding Preparations

This month John and I will celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary.  Thinking back to my wedding, I might have changed a few decorations or simple event items, but all in all with the help of friends, family, and different businesses it all went very well.  If I had to plan or put on a wedding here though I would not know what to do. 

Last Friday a local friend invited me to participate in the preparations for a neighborhood wedding.  We have attended countless wedding in this country, but this was the first time I got to see first hand the preparations that go into the event.  The wedding took place on Saturday, but preparations began the preceding Thursday.  Friday morning about 8:30am my friend picked me up.  I was told to bring a knife, but nothing else.  I dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, but my friend was wearing pants, long sleeves and a head coving.  This was noteworthy as my friend, who sells fried bananas on the side of the road daily, usually just wears shorts, a t-shirt, and no head covering.  Head coverings are often worn when dressing up to go out, so I wondered if I was a little too dressed down. 

 

Living room at the bride's parent's house.

Upon arriving to the bride's parent's house, we were told to first have tea and cake.  The living room was already decorated for the wedding.  There were at least 10 plates of various pastries provided specifically for those helping. 

Decorations
The stage is for the bride and groom.

Getting Started

After tea and cake we all moved to different locations in and around the house.  My friend and I started by making batter for a folded pancake type pastry.  At first I thought this was an odd choice for wedding pastries.  I soon found out I was justified in my surprise.  These pastries and at least half of the other preparations that morning were intended for lunch for all the workers, that same day. 

Woven Palm Frons
To be filled with rice, then cooked in a large pot of water

On the Floor
All work, chopping, slicing, mixing, etc., was done on the floor.
 In the back ground are clean dishes for that day's lunch and the weekend's events. 

Counter Space
The floor definitely provided more work space than all of the counter space in the kitchen, but it is still challenging for my clean and healthy oriented self. 

The Men's Work
To prepare for the wedding, it was the men's job to cook the rice and the water (still not sure what the water was for, maybe just making it potable).  I have seen men help with the grilling of fish and there are various food stalls that have men as cooks.  But in general in this culture, men DO NOT help in household kitchens.   

Everything from Scratch
We took the skins off of peanuts, then crushed them with a mortar and pestle.  This was for our folded pancake pastry. 

My hand after taking skins off peanuts.  Hands were usually just wiped off on a cloth or rinsed off in a bowl of water.  I rinsed mine a couple times in running water, but soap was no where to be found. 

Washing Dishes
These ladies served all morning washing dishes... on the floor too!  The one water faucet they used is blue and green on the far right towards the top of the brick wall. 

Cooking
We cooked our pastry on the left while another lady fried tempe on the right, again just for our lunch.  We started cooking standing up, but not long afterwards we moved the two burner stove to...THE FLOOR, so we could all sit.  I admit it was much more comfortable. 

On the Porch
These women sat on the porch slicing, chopping, and prepping food. 

Cooking Chicken
At least 100 chickens were bought for the wedding.  All of which came dead and de-feathered, but whole. 



A Neighbor and I
We were waiting to make a dessert with the brown balls made from palm sugar and coconut, to the left. We needed coconut milk which had not yet been made: pressed out from freshly grated coconut. 

Cooking more Chicken

A Large Mortar and Pestle
My friend, who invited me, pounding grated cassava into a fine powder.

Mixing spices into chopped, deboned chicken.

Chicken to be skewered. 
After seasoning the chicken, it was divided among trays so a large group of us could put four pieces on each skewer. 

Skewered Chicken
This was the first thing I helped with that was actually for the wedding. 
 

I left the preparation party about 1:30pm and did not return, though my friend and many neighbors did. 

Saturday the four of us attended the wedding event at mid-day.  It was in our complex so it made for a short walk.  It also made for a very loud day as music was played during the event at mid-day, then again at the 'night reception' until about 12:30am.  The funniest thing was I never say the skewered chicken on the buffet line, maybe it wasn't for the main event after all, ha!

A Kitchen Tour

After learning to bake bread from scratch in college, the kitchen became my favorite room in the house.  I continue to thoroughly enjoy creating edible treats and so much of our home culture involves gathering with friends or family around food.  Before we moved overseas, getting rid of my kitchen items was much more difficult for me, especially my Kitchen Aid mixer, than most other possessions (except maybe the rocking chair I used when the boys were babies).  After moving here, kitchens soon became a place I feared.  Ok, not entirely, but they are so very different.  People do most of their food prep on the floor, the kitchens in general are much messier, and the tools are not the same.  So it is only natural my kitchen here looks much different than the kitchens I was use to in the States.  Let us go on a tour of my overseas kitchen for you to see yourself what it looks like.  Keep in mind it may look different than the typical U.S. kitchen, but it also looks very different than most kitchens here.

My Kitchen
complete with a washing machine instead of a dishwasher

Dinking Water and Gas Stove
Middle left is the one and only outlet in the room. 

The pan rack has been a favorite aspect of my kitchen as it saves precious cupboard space and is conveniently above the stove.  There isn't anything like Home Depot here so we had to order the wood pole specially made from a wood worker, but it was well worth the couple week wait. All our neighbors have a two burner stove.  If they have a an oven it is placed on top of a burner when needed.  When people see my oven, bought in the big city, they all are amazed and immediately assume it is electric.  We intentionally buy gas in a larger tank, rusty blue on bottom right above, to last longer as I frequently use the oven.  We get a new one about every 3 months.  Most people have a tank about 1/3 the size.  As for outlets, there is one in each room of our house = 4 electrical outlets in the whole house.  So as in the picture above we use a special adapter giving us three additional outlets, then run an extension cord with additional outlets on the end around the top of the wall for the fridge and washing machine which are opposite the oven. 

ALL of my cupboard space
Thank goodness for a little extra counter space too, which was intentionally put on wheels to move appliances closer to the ONE outlet in the room. 

Refrigerator and Washing Machine

Most people have refrigerators about 2/3 the size of ours.  There are people though just outside our complex that don't have one at all.  Having started out in this country with one that was about 2/3 the size, our current one seems quite nice though I know it is pretty small in comparison to the standard fridge in the States. 

French Press for coffee
Most locals just stir the coffee grounds straight into the hot water and let it settle before drinking. 
I still like my coffee "Good to the last drop"



Our Toaster

Our Waffle Iron

Our electrical appliances (aside from the fridge and washer) consist of a blender and a mixer, I actually found a Kitchen Aid in the big city!!!  Most people here own a rice cooker, but I'm not willing to give up my counter space.  I usually cook rice in the pressure cooker as I still burn it on the stove top.  Truth be told I had no idea what a pressure cooker was before some overseas training, but it has been really handy, especially for beans and rice.  I can't say I miss having a microwave, though occasionally it would be nice for reheating a drink.   

As I enjoy cooking and baking it has been nice to find a way to have a functional and familiar kitchen.  Such different kitchens are a reflection of the differences in food and since so many of our customary foods are not available here, I have also had the pleasure of learning to make many things from scratch.  Some foods are not worth the time and effort for me, but there are many that have become part of my monthly menu. 

Tortillas, Bagels, English Muffins, Granola, Grape Nut type cereal, chicken broth, and yogurt are all foods I have learned to and frequently do make.  Most aren't too difficult, but I would never have thought of learning to make them in the States as they are so much easier to just buy at the local grocery store!

...becoming all things to all men...

We spent the past five days in the big city for a bit of shopping and relaxation.  We were after all out of cheese.  Friday we spent the evening with some other westerners.  It was great fun catching up and sharing stories of our experiences here.  We had a group discussion about our actions here and how they might become bridges or barriers in relationships.  Having grown up in a different culture we can never become 100% like the people here, even if skilled at language.  Regardless, we discussed our need for cultural awareness and wisdom to know how and when to alter our actions.  One example was in the area of saying Thank You.  There is a direct translation in the national culture for thank you, but in the Barat language there is not.  John has learned that people feel using words for your appreciation for what another has done, is very shallow.  Instead, people respond in kind, with actions to appropriately show their thankfulness.  Living in their culture, we want to do most things (in light of right and wrong) like they do.  So do we stop saying thank you?  In our discussion last weekend we decided saying thank you in and of itself wasn't building barriers, yet we may be failing to really show others our appreciation.  To respond in kind often means taking neighbors food, offering rides, lending tools, or help in general when needed.  All of things takes time, effort, and often a willingness to let go of what I consider "mine."  Think of us as we continue in our efforts to be intentional and communicate effectively. 

Sickness + Visiting + Family = CULTURE!

On Friday I, Erin, joined 3 neighbor ladies on a visit to a sick neighbor, Mrs. Anni.  Mrs. Anni lives directly across the street and has two daughters the same age as Caedmon and Whitman.  We left on foot, not to cross our narrow street, but to visit Anni at her mother's house.  On our way, only about 8 blocks, we stopped at a little mom-and-pop store to buy something to take along.  From past hospital visits, I have learned the visitors usually bring fruit or pastries, and often an envelope of money.  For this house visit we went in together to buy about $10 of flour, sugar, tea, and sweetened condensed milk (common pantry items).  Once at the house we were welcomed by Anni's oldest brother and shown into her bedroom by her mother.  We found Anni sitting on the edge of the bed, looking pretty well, and rubbing the back of her 4 year daughter who was throwing-up, into a sarong.  At least four other kids, nieces and nephews, sat on the floor of the same room watching TV.  Comments and questions quickly began pertaining to Anni's health, her daughter's sickness, advice on helping the daughter (primarily by rubbing an aromatic oil on her back), and admonition of the daughter for 'playing about' so much. 

 Thankfully I had a learners attitude and was able to just listened to the various reasons for sickness and take it all in.  Anni had spent the previous night in the hospital receiving IV fluids because she could not stop vomiting.  She and the hospital staff chalked it up to the indigestion she regularly deals with.  Her daughter on the other hand was said to have 'wind enter' her body, then was admonished for 'playing about' too much and advised not to in the future.  No connection was made, as far as I understood, between the mother's and daughter's illnesses. 

As a nurse, a foreigner working in a second and third language as they spoke 80% of the time in the local Barat language, and coming from a very scientific culture, I was so struck by their reasoning, not to mention how they handled it all. 

On a side note a sarong is the most versatile tool you could own.  They are used as covers when cold, a cover while showering down at the well or changing at the beach, formal wear at parties, and now I know as a barf-bucket.  When I accompanied a friend during the birth of her daughter, one of the first questions we were asked by the nurse was, "Where are your sarongs?"

After talking for awhile at our visit in the bed room, we moved to the living room where we were served tea and crackers.  Anni joined us and we all talked of her illness and everyone's health history.  The whole visited lasted about an hour then we all returned home. 

I was also struck by how family looks here.  My friend Anni was at her mom's house recuperating and tending to her sick daughter, while her husband was at home... by himself.  We were welcomed into the house by Anni's oldest brother, who lives with his mother and his son, and works in the town of Barat while his wife and daughter live in the provincial capital 4 hours away because that is where the wife works.  This is not an uncommon family situation.  Another neighbor was just transferred to a village about 30 minutes away.  He now lives in a dorm type situation whereas his wife and 3 month old baby returned to live with her mother in their home town, at least 5 hours away. 

I walked away being amazed at how much could be observed from a one house visit.  And that is with understanding only about 20% of the conversation.  Culture is just so intertwined in our lives, languge, institutions, and beliefs.